You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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