you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
