Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
