You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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