My hand turned me down
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
