Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
