I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
