I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
