I just threw up on my dentist
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
