Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
