My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
