Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
