I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
