Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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