I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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