the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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