When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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