Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
