i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up under a house in Key West
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