It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
