We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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