and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
