my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My ass is underappreciated
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
