i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
