put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
