The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
