Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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