But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
