Are we in a gay sports bar?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
