quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
porn star boner night. come get it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
