And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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