So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
