If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
