i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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