I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
