they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
