you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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