dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
