i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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