I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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