i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
