i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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