If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
