Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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