Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
