There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
