Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
