Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
