we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
