it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
