Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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